drunk girls bathroom

Women, we are strange, beautiful, mysterious beings, and nowhere is this more apparent than out at a bar. Nobody can be more cutthroat than a girl at a bar, shooting daggers at you because you 1. Are younger 2. Are cuter 3. Aren’t a regular (girl, YOU DON’T BELONG HERE) 4. Look unassumingly sweet 5. Look assumingly slutty.

But then something strange happens in the bathroom.

That’s right, within the small confines of a public restroom, among spilled spirits, sprinkled urine (come on, YOU try hovering over the toilet dizzy from vodka soda, thighs shaking from Jillian Michaels), you enter into a Narnia-like land.

The whole Outsiders territorial facade fades; the shrewd judgy eyes soften, and any thoughts of throwing a shoulder in front of her to catch the bartender’s attention vanishes.

Because now, you’ve entered into this strange, unspoken sisterhood, where your few minutes of waiting feels more like hours, where you’re almost sad it’s your turn because you just don’t want to say goodbye.

Why we should be more like drunk girls in the bathroom

Nobody is more sincere, congenial, and downright profoundly heartfelt than a drunk girl in a bathroom. Here’s why we need to be more like them:

Honesty

You hated her guts for being the random girl brought to the party, but in the bathroom? Different story. Hair up or down? Is this lipstick too much? The earnest drunk girl won’t hold back, but in the nicest way possible. Plus, your bone structure is seriously so perfect; and those legs? Where have those been hiding! Out of the bathroom? Good lord, who told her she could wear that dress?!

Comradery

Ever find that it’s tough to make friends outside your circle? Leave it to the congenial drunk girl to show willingness to open her heart, soul, and bank account to you (no, really, my tab is your tab). Sure, you called her “Bitchet” (cleverly constructed from Bridget) behind her back all night, but in the bathroom it’s all, “ohmygosh I LOVE that purse – no seriously, where did you get it? We should hang out, but like, for real. You’re such a sweet girl.” And you mean it, too.

Helpful

Damn, your heel broke? That’s why I keep Krazy Glue in my purse! Your hair fell out? Girllllll, I can scrounge up some bobby pins for you. Wait, don’t leave yet! Your eyeliner is smudged. Ohmygosh THANK YOU SO MUCH. No, really, thank you soooo much. Here, have the rest of my drink – and this taco I found in my purse.

Sharing

If you’re ever in a bind, you want a drunk girl at your side. She’s the first to slip a tampon under the stall, offer you a sip of drink, or give you a spritz of her perfume – after all, that’s what friends are for.

Praise

Yes, and lots of it. Like, really specific, over-the-top praise because you’re SO pretty. No really, like your hair is PERFECT. It’s like if Pantene and Victoria’s Secret angels hair had a baby who lived in a pool of coconut oil kind of perfect. The bathroom drunk girl is sure to put a little extra pep in your step and glimmer in your eye as she holds your face to look deeply at you when she speaks to you. You know, the way you wish your boyfriend did, the kind that cuts right into your soul?

Conviction

No matter what she’s talking about, the girl’s got conviction. And I like that about her. None of these wishy washy feigning to have no opinions girls here (thank goodness). No, this girl has gumption. She will hold firmly in her belief that your friend is worse than Angelina stealing Brad away from Jen, though she knows nothing about her. But since you’re crying because of her, she’s standing strong. Solidarity, sister.

Lasting thoughts

Overall, you’ll never find more empowerment and support from anyone, and what’s so sweet about this divine bond is the selflessness of it all. A drunk girl in the bathroom just gives to give, not to receive; she doesn’t ask for nor want anything in return, and because of it, you can never repay her, but that’s okay. She’s the stranger you revealed your soul to, if only for a moment, and she cared –

and just like that, she’ll be gone, a blurry if not forgotten confidant – unless you exchanged numbers, in which case there’s a 20% chance either of you inputted it correctly.

Though I don’t drink now, it’s fun to reflect – and to all the drunk girls in bathrooms I bonded with over the years, how I wonder what and where you are now. Are you working mothers like me, nursing your sweet nugget in one arm as you type up a post or report of your own late at night? Are you a teacher, a doctor, an entrepreneur, a lawyer? Are you still lifting up spirits of women in bar bathrooms? No matter, just know that if the world was full of you, we’d live in a truly more wonderful place.

To Katie, our two pizzas, endless secret judgments, and countless Chucks friends.

Everywhere
  • HAHA! So I actually had a conversation with one of my girlfriends about how drunk American girls in bathrooms are SO much nicer than drunk British girls in bathroom. The British ones are SO awkward and passive aggressive.

    • Oh and side note, I think something to add to this is that girls need to stop being sweet in the face, but actual pot stirrers in the background. Too many of those in the world.

  • This is so true! I’d much rather have the friend who is overly honest than one that talks about me behind my back and says something different to my face.

  • Paige Allison

    Ha! I remember my drunk bathroom days. Always a good time! But I also don’t think people are that mean outside of the bathroom? I’ve never felt judged at a bar, or if I was, I really didn’t care. Judgement is the problems of the judgers, not those being judged, IMO.

  • Oh man. Drunk girls in the bathroom are some of the best 5 second friends you’ll ever have.

  • OMG! omg omg. I think this might be one of my fave posts of yours. I can’t even begin to tell you how many drunk girls I’ve bonded with in the bathroom. You are so right….it’s so mysterious, like how do these things happen??? How do my enemies all of a sudden turn into almost-besties?!! LOL

  • Kelsie Kleinmeyer

    Haha, this is hilarious. I do love the way that releasing our inhabitations can lead to positive interaction with others such as honesty, camaraderie, and helpfulness. Much to be learned from a not so ideal condition ha.

  • Hahaha. This is too great! It’s good to look for the good in all circumstances – including being drunk in a bathroom. 😉

  • Samantha Carter

    Hahaha!!! This is so deeply, profoundly, true! Drunk girls in bathrooms are the best!

  • there’s that funny meme about thinking about all the drunk girls you met in bathrooms over the years & wondering how they’re doing for a reason. when there’s a long line/wait you certainly start bonding with these women and creating some kind of tipsy support system, so true!

  • Oh my gosh BUST up laughing at the “helping” paragraph…”here have a taco in my purse.” HAHA! This is so clever and so TRUE.

  • Tiffany {A Touch of Grace}

    This is so funny. I can’t remember ever feeling judged outside of the bathroom, but then again, I was probably pretty tipsy and didn’t care, lol! But in the bathroom, we’re all BFFs. 🙂